


something as ridiculous as a lark

by thescyfychannel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Multi, Nudity, gettin all the ladies, not in detail sadly, oh and pudding, oh and there's an implied fivesome, thank yooooou aradia megido
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 09:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6560800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescyfychannel/pseuds/thescyfychannel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>being alternia's PREMIERE flarp coordinator means you have to be ready to think outside the box!! especially when the request (that you're being paid VERY well for 0u0) is a NON fatal flarp, and it also has to count as a datenight because SOME PEOPLE have been complaining.<br/>0k! y0u can w0rk with this!! 0u0</p>
            </blockquote>





	something as ridiculous as a lark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



The Grand High Legislacerator stared down the unrepentant crowd of reprobates. You would not be cowed by their merciless stares, by their unwashed stench, not even by the way they _giggled most horridly_. The Reading Of The Rules was Sacred Tradition, not some boring cutscene to skip! “So! The rules for this FLARP–”

    “LARP!” One of the reprobates interjected, _without even raising her hand_. “We’re not doing the fatal version, Feferi already said she didn’t want to bring anyone back to life today!” The most royal reprobate nodded, and you attempted not to grind your back teeth. It wouldn’t do to lose your edge, anywhere.

    Waving a hand dismissively got them to quiet down, at least. “Fine! We’ll play your measly human version, Accused Witch Gooseberry, but I have _no_ idea why anyone would pass up a game of FLARP for something as _ridiculous_ as a LARP.”

 

    For some reason, this heinous accusation did not make Accused Witch Gooseberry break down into tears, or even demand a duel for her own honor. Instead, it made Accused Witch Gooseberry burst into giggles. Again.

    This was really becoming quite demoralizing.

 

* * *

 

    As Terezi—oops! As the GRAND HIGH LEGISLACERATOR!!—declaimed (her word, not yours!) at length about the Grand And Glorious Rules of FLARPing—minus the F for Fatal (and the way she spoke, the Rules _certainly_ deserved the capitals)—you attempted not to roll your eyes at Nepeta. Where was the fun in glubbing on and on and on about this and that and that and this for HOURS on end?

    And anyway, it wasn’t like you _needed_ to discuss the rules! You all had _glorious_ costumes (courtesy of Kanaya, who had declined your invitation to play, something about her being unable to bear watching her hard work get soiled? Whatebber!), well thought out characters (courtesy of Terezi, who had spent the past _perigee_ chasing you around with character sheets—you still weren’t sure how’d she’d gotten to the _bottom_ of the _ocean_ to make you fill out the last details you’d forgotten), and realistic looking prop weapons (courtesy of Jade and Nepeta, the former who had insisted on dropping the F, and the latter who had turned out to be _surprisingly_ good at slicing up foam into stabby-looking shapes).

 

    At least Jade and Terezi seemed to be having fun debating the various rule changes and redefinitions. You leaned over to Nepeta and murmured under your breath, fins flicking in amusement, “Game called on account of glub?”

    That got you a giggle (Terezi winced) and a bright grin. “Alas, our bold and noble heroes were forced to give up the purrfect quest! On account of glub.”

    “What’s glub again?” And there was Accused—accursed? Or was it a-curse’d, you could never remember—Witch Jade, calling over from the current ground zero of glub.

    “It’s a lot of things!” You called back, flopping down on the ground in your poofy skirts and tights (somewhere, far off, Kanaya winced), and kicking off your shoes. “It’s like the human version of ‘fuck’ for seadwellers! In this case, it’s moray like grumping.”

    Jade (sorry, Witch Jade) nods sagely. “Shoal you cod say...Karkat does a lot of glubbing?” She’s doing _much_ better on the puns, and you are So Proud.

    “But only with his mouth!” says Terezi, who bursts into what can _definitively_ be called a cackle. “Not that it’d be as much fun coming out of any other end of him!”

    Nepeta (the Brave and Dashing Hunterrorist—she’d picked the human word dashing as it had sounded _fast_ in addition to _attractive_ , and you were _incredibly_ inclined to agree with its suitability) flopped down next to you, flipping up her cute little mask that Kanaya had described as form-fitting, elegant, and unlikely to impede line of sight for ranged attacks. “Are we _ever_ going to play?”

 

* * *

 

    Well _eventually_. But it was important that the rules get sorted out beforehand! You didn’t want to deal with any stabbery, back or front, and Feferi was already grumping—glubbing!!—about having to heal people far too often. That _said_ , you and Terezi made an effort to pick up the pace _slightly_. It wasn’t as if all of the rules had to be perfect anyway, no matter what she said.

    Besides, some of them didn’t even make sense. Where on earth would “The ball is the ball that shall be called the ball” apply??

 

    Eventually you came to a kind of accord and shook on it _properly_ , at which point Feferi and Nepeta—already mildly grass-stained from their brief rendezvous with Mr. Ground, and you think they might have been cloudwatching—bounded on up to join your party of four. In your opinion—and you’re sure Nepeta would agree—Feferi’s tan top looked _much_ better with a touch of green beyond the lacing, and those brown billowing skirts didn’t even _show_ the stains.

    Also, you were _really_ curious about how she managed to fit all that hair inside that hood. You suspected witchcraft of some sort—and had to suppress a groan, it had taken _ages_ to convince Terezi to let the _both_ of you play witches—or one of Kanaya’s various tricks.

    As for Nepeta, she was more accustomed to grass stains than the rest of you—although you were _sure_ that counting intentional grass stains was _cheating_ —and they matched her deep pink outfit startlingly well.

 

    “So this is going to be an adventure run instead of a versus run!” you say, and snicker at the way Terezi rolls her eyes. At least Nepeta and Feferi are still on board. “We’ve got a map and a quest—helpfully set up by Aradia, so remember to thank her later—and our objective is to defeat all the monsters and puzzles in our path and retrieve the treasure!”

    Nepeta raises her hand, and Terezi makes a whole grand show of pointing at her. “Yes, the Kiwi Green Hunterrorist!”

    Nepeta makes a _very rude noise_ and drops her hand. “Did Aradia purrhaps mention what the possibly mewthical treasure might be?”

    You frown and shake your head. “She _did_ say that we would all like it, though, and that the sooner we got to it, the better!”

    Feferi mulls it over in her head, and her grin is only _slightly_ disconcerting this time. Troll teeth were just so _different_! “So it might be something perishable! Possibubbly edible?”

    “Or something alive that could escape!” says Nepeta, a certain sort of gleam in her eye. Sometimes you forgot _exactly_ how feral your kitty was. “It would be better if we got meowving soonest.”

 

    You unroll the map completely, and your three girlfriends crowd around to get a better look.

 

* * *

 

    Jade wasn’t half bad at charting a course, you decided, even as you slashed your way through the _third_ set of tangled ivy. For all that this was supposed to be forest, you were getting more of a “jungle” vibe. Purrhaps Aradia was feeling creative? Either way, you’re glad she took the time to read the plant guide you gave her. So far you haven’t seen a _single_ bit of anything poisonous!

    (although, you’re pawsitive that you saw the remnants of an Itchy Stinging Climbing Vine that looked to be destroyed with psionics and _extreme_ purredjudice. you’re not planning to object.)

    The furst obstacle turns out to be vine related too. You’re supposed to pull on the vines in the _right_ order to loosen the hammock up above. Clawing through things was impossible, the clue was supposedly delicate, and climbing wasn’t going to happen, beclawse you _knew_ Aradia had wrapped some of that Itchy Vine around the trees. Terezi seemed to have an uncanny knack for knowing which vines to pull (something about how they smelled?), and before long, you were heading off, delicate stone sheet fur a further puzzle in paw.

    You had to hand it to Aradia! She seemed to set up each puzzle so that a different purrson on your team got to shine, and from the purreening they were all doing, you were fairly sure it had been a good idea.

 

    By the time you’d fished the second piece out of a river (thank you, Fefurry!), shot the flying targets down (Jade, of course!!), and clawed your way through the near _solid_ block of vines to find the open spaces, you were all _covered_ in leaf and vine fragments, with _all_ kinds of greenery stains.

 

    (somewhere, _very_ far away, Kanaya fainted)

 

    The actual treasure itself was stored in some high mountain top, and each carefully carved stone slab had to be inserted at a different point along the way. Terezi and Jade were purruzzling over the pieces, when Feferi SIGHED, scooped one up, and shoved it in.

    “Look guys!” she said, while Terezi and Jade stared in _horror_ , “efin if I’m wrong, Aradia _knows_ we’re naut playing fatal, I doubt she’d want to hurt us–”

    That’s the last thing she manages to say befur the pudding falls on her head. It’s a very lovely pink shade. You’re sort of thinking that Aradia’s better at predicting outcomes than any accusetuator. Feferi lets out an earsplitting _shriek_ , and Terezi hurries to swap out the panels, while Jade attempts a daring pudding removal. As for you, you’re CARRYING the darned things! Sheesh!

 

    There are no more mishaps, all the way to the top, and you and Feferi (now mostly pudding furee and in _much_ better spirits, slot in the last pieces.

 

    The door swings open–

 

* * *

 

    Aradia made you a _glubbing hot tub_. While you can appreciate the SENTIMENT, you’d burn yourself! Terezi too! And–

    Jade has a whispered conversation with Nepeta, and goes over to test the tub. Some of the water splashes over the side–

    “Oh!!” you exclaim, darting over to examine the tub yourself. It’s _four_ tubs, four seperate ones that simply  _look_ like one full tub, each one set to your _preferred_ temperatures (you’re really going to have to invite Aradia over for a _thank you_ (if you know what I glub!!) some time), and a little sort of  _basket_ in the middle. Presumably for the box of bathbombs she’d left as a secondary reward!

    “And this,” states Terezi, rather _proudly_ in fact, “is why Aradia is worth _every_ caegar of her set up fee! She _delivers_!”

    Nepeta and Jade are already in the water. You’re a little bit surprised about Nepeta, from what you’ve learned about purrbeasts, they’re not fans, but hey, Jade’s stripped down to _nothing_ and that’s more than enough to coax _anyone_ in. You join the two of them, and Terezi, who’s been cut off from monologuing (look, she’s already _done_ two hours’ worth, your fins need a _rest_ ), flops in with a disgruntled huff.

 

* * *

 

 

    A half hour into the _wonderful_ soak, someone poses an important question–

    “How the _hell_ are we going to get this thing home?”

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt for this challenge was filling this prompt:  
> "It's a larping/flarping adventure! It can be as vicious or as sweet or as sexy or as silly as you want to make it, though I'd prefer if everybody were having a good time, since all these characters are so sweet! Bonus points for silly costumes."
> 
> I stalled out partway through, ended up switching to the equarasol one, and came back to it once the challenge was done. Part of what scared me off is that it felt like it could potentially reach EPIC LENGTH, and I wasn't 100% ready to take on that challenge for my first challenge! I feel like I might've rushed it a bit, but hey—all's fair in love and FLARP ;D


End file.
